Zoom Dysmorphia Is Real, and I Have It Bad

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Hi friend, if you're new here, welcome to Girlhood — the group chat we should have had all along. This week, we're talking about the dementia risk factor nobody warned us about, a book slump I cannot seem to shake, why "easy IVF" deserves more grace than the internet gives it, and the very real phenomenon of staring at your own face on a screen until you barely recognize it anymore. As always, grab a beverage and settle in.

📚 I Keep Starting Books and Ending Up on TikTok (Send Help)

I feel like the theme of this column is that I am one giant, walking contradiction. A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that I always need a book in my head — that it's basically a mental health requirement at this point — and then, as if the universe heard me and decided to have a little fun, I fell into the most stubborn book slump of my life.

It started with Christina Applegate's memoir, which, listen, I wanted to love it. I just think I wasn't quite the demographic. And then I picked up The Secret Lives of Murderers Wives, which had everything going for it on paper: a juicy title, a premise I was fully ready to commit to. Except it turned out to be a lot of character development and not nearly enough, well, murder. Down it went.

Since then, nothing has stuck. I'll read fifteen pages, put it down, pick up my phone, and somehow end up watching a video about botched lip filler at midnight instead.

I do wonder if it's partly the weather: there's something about actual sunshine that makes sitting on the couch with a book feel slightly criminal when a patio and a margarita exist in the world. And if I'm not doing that, I'm watching Big Mistakes on Netflix, which is so good that I'm not even a little sorry about it.

If you have a recommendation (literary or contemporary fiction, please!), send it my way, because left to my own devices, I will simply keep watching reality TV until the sunshine runs out and I finally remember who I am.

🔍 Ask Clara: What are the signs of ADHD in women?

🧠 The Hearing-Loss-and-Dementia Connection I Never Saw Coming

After nearly a decade in women's health, I thought I'd heard it all. And then a video stopped me mid-scroll and genuinely blew my mind.

It turns out, hearing loss is one of the largest known risk factors for dementia.

I've been thinking about brain health a lot lately: my grandmother had Alzheimer's, and honestly, it scares the crap out of me. I started taking creatine because I'd read it supports cognitive function. (I stopped because the bloating was extreme and I am not built for that kind of suffering.) But the intention was there.

What I had never once considered, in all my reading and researching and late-night Googling, was my hearing. Not as a vanity thing or an aging thing, but as a brain thing.

The research is wild. A landmark study published in The Lancet found that in older adults at elevated risk for cognitive decline, treating hearing loss with hearing aids slowed cognitive decline by nearly 50%. A more recent study in JAMA Neurology went even further: people who addressed hearing loss before age 70 had a 61% lower risk of developing dementia than those who left it untreated.

Once you understand it, it tracks. When your brain is constantly working to fill in missing sounds, it's borrowing resources from other cognitive functions. Over time, that borrowing has a real cost.

I have never had my hearing tested as an adult. Apparently, most people haven't.

The more you know — and apparently, there is always more to know.

🔍 Ask Clara: What lifestyle habits can help protect brain health as you age?

🍀 In Defense of "Easy IVF"

When our friend Abbie posted a video about her "easy IVF journey," I braced for the comments. And look, I get it. For a lot of people, those two words in the same sentence feel like a contradiction at best and a gut punch at worst. 

But here's the thing: she's not wrong.

I've had two completely different IVF experiences. The first time, I got pregnant with twins on my second transfer with untested embryos. The second involved multiple failed transfers, two miscarriages, and a moment where I genuinely almost gave up. I've been on both sides of this thing, which is maybe why Abbie's video didn't bother me at all.

Because what I always come back to is this: for a lot of people, IVF isn't actually the hardest part. It's everything that comes before it. The timed intercourse. The IUIs. The Clomid (oh my god, the Clomid). The months of trying things that feel less invasive but somehow take more out of you, because you're doing them while still holding onto the idea that maybe you won't need the big thing.

And then you do the big thing, and sometimes you find out you're stronger than you thought.

IVF is brutal for some people. Really, truly brutal. I know that firsthand. But giving someone a reason to hope that maybe — just maybe — it'll be easier than they feared? That's not toxic positivity. That's just leaving the door open. 

We could all use a little more of that. 

🔍 Ask Clara: What should I expect from my first IVF cycle?

🪞 Zoom Dysmorphia Is Real, and I Have It Bad

Are we looking at ourselves too much? No, like, that's a serious question.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm in my "late" 30s now. Maybe it's the four hours of Zoom meetings a day. Maybe it's both. But I genuinely did not care this much about my hairline — or my eleven line, for that matter — before the pandemic and, let's be honest, social media.

Because before we even get the crust out of our eyes in the morning, we've already watched seventeen videos of creators who are simply glowing. Do they have a filter on? Probably. Does that make us any less self-conscious? Absolutely not.

And the numbers back it up: cosmetic procedures in the U.S. have grown 19% since 2019, with liposuction, breast augmentation, and tummy tucks leading surgical procedures, and Botox and fillers dominating the non-surgical side. And then there's the TikTok rabbit hole of botched procedures: people dissolving filler, reversing lip jobs, genuinely grieving the face they had before. Jessi from Secret Lives of Mormon Wives comes to mind. It's a lot. But what gets me most is thinking about my daughter watching me look at myself on a screen and wondering what exactly I'm looking for.

I don't know what the moral of the story is here, but I will say this: you're perfect the way you are, and maybe we all just need to go touch some grass — not for our nasolabial folds, but for all the girls who come after us.

xo,
Kristyn

🔍 Ask Clara: What is body dysmorphia, exactly?

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Spring doesn’t have to mean a packed schedule and another drink you regret tomorrow.

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It’s what I pour when I want something special in my glass on a bright spring evening. Each sip feels celebratory and uplifting. Relaxed body. Clear mind. No haze. No sleep disruption.

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If you’re ready for a new kind of happy hour, try Vesper here. 🌿✨

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